//Generate a random number between 0 & as big as the array below, and then round off the decimal places.
//This will be used to choose an array element at random.

var randNum = Math.random() * 70;
var roundNum = Math.round(randNum);

//Create an array as big as you want and fill it with smartass comments.

var comments = new Array();
comments[0] = "  I did not have sex with that woman - Bill Clinton......";
comments[1] = "  What the f*ck was that noise? - Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945......";
comments[2] = "  I'm OK, it\'s just a bad cough - Jimmy Hendrix......";
comments[3] = "  He who laffs last, laffs the laffstest - late one night at a Bush Club sundowner 2004......";
comments[4] = "  Booze Basster - late one night at a Bush Club sundowner 2004......"; 
comments[5] = "  A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth......";
comments[6] = "  Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes......";
comments[7] = "  There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works......";
comments[8] = "  Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off......";
comments[9] = "  Suicide is a way of telling God 'You can't fire me... I QUIT!'......";
comments[10] = "  He\'s the east end of a horse thats facing west......";
comments[11] = "  This sentence contradicts itself: no, wait, actually it doesn\'t......";
comments[12] = "  You don't need a rope to bungee jump.  You just need a rope to jump twice......";
comments[13] = "  Elevators smell different to midgets......";
comments[14] = "  And out of the chaos, a voice spoke: 'Smile and be happy, for it can always be worse'. And I smiled, and I was happy, and it did get worse......";
comments[15] = "  I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by......";
comments[16] = "  You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter......";
comments[17] = "  I don't have a sense of decency.  That way, all my other senses are enhanced......";
comments[18] = "  Remember.  Wherever you go, there you are......";
comments[19] = "  Does confusion come with an itchy head?......";
comments[20] = "  He who dies with the most toys still dies......";
comments[21] = "  We've got to keep on keepin' on - Bachman Turner Overdrive, Rock is my Life-this is my song......";
comments[22] = "  If at first you don't succeed, redefine success......";
comments[23] = "  I've gone to look for myself.  If I should return before I get back, keep me here!......";
comments[24] = "  If I'm not back in 10 minutes, just wait a bit a bit longer......";
comments[25] = "  There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation......";
comments[26] = "  Life is what happens while you're making other plans. - (John Lennon)......";
comments[27] = "  The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets......";
comments[28] = "  My mental facilities are TWICE what yours are, you pea brain! - (Monty Python)......";
comments[29] = "  Behold the warranty:  The bold print giveth, and the fine print taketh away......";
comments[30] = "  640K should be good enough for anybody. - (Bill Gates, 1980)......";
comments[31] = "  Sex is not the answer.  Sex is the question.  'Yes' is the answer......";
comments[32] = "  The facts, though they may be interesting, are totally irrelevant......";
comments[33] = "  Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder......";
comments[34] = "  The wireless telegraph is not that difficult to understand.  The ordinary telegraph is like a very long cat.  You pull the tail in New York and it meows in Los Angeles. The wireless is the same, only without the cat. - (Albert Einstein)......";
comments[35] = "  Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.  I grant you that the wheel is also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. - (Dave Barry)......";
comments[36] = "  We have enough youth.  How about a fountain of smart?......";
comments[37] = "  Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot......";
comments[38] = "  Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now......";
comments[39] = "  I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it......";
comments[40] = "  This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot!......";
comments[41] = "  Sometimes too much drink is not enough......";
comments[42] = "  Is reading in the bathroom considered multitasking?......";
comments[43] = "  [His name is] Simpson, Sir.  He's one of your chair moisteners from sector G. - (Smithers, The Simpsons)......";
comments[44] = "  Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana......";
comments[45] = "  Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry.  I mean, I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff. - (Mariah Carey)......";
comments[46] = "  Bad command or file name.  Go stand in the corner......"
comments[47] = "  Percussive Maintenance - this is the fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again......"
comments[48] = "  The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not Eureka! [I found it!] but rather, 'hmm.... that's funny...' - (Isaac Asimov)......"
comments[49] = "  We put the 'k' in 'kwality'......"
comments[50] = "  668 - The neighbour of the beast....."
comments[51] = "  Marriage! (To do or not to do?) Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!...(Anonymous)..........";
comments[52] = "  An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have, the older she gets the more interested he is in her...(Agatha Christie)..........";
comments[53] = "  Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It's not fair that some men should be happier than others...(Oscar Wilde)..........";
comments[54] = "  Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper...(Scottish Proverb)..........";
comments[55] = "  I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years...(Sam Kinison)..........";
comments[56] = "  A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free...(Anonymous)..........";
comments[57] = "  Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too...(H. L. Mencken)..........";
comments[58] = "  Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier...(H. L. Mencken)..........";
comments[59] = "  A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle...(U2).........."
comments[60] = "  Marriage is a three ring circus : engagement ring --- wedding ring --- suffering..........";
comments[61] = "  When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why...........";
comments[62] = "  Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener...........";
comments[63] = "  When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife...........";
comments[64] = "  I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back...........";
comments[65] = "  I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'..She said, 'Somewhere I have never been!'..I told her, 'How about the kitchen?'..........";
comments[66] = "  We always hold hands.  If I let go, she shops...........";
comments[67] = "  She got a mudpack and looked great for two days..Then the mud fell off............";
comments[68] = "  She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?'..Following her down the street I yelled, 'No, jump in!'...........";
comments[69] = "  If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he’ll shut up after you let him in!..........";
comments[70] = "  Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves...After marriage, the 'y' becomes silent...........";
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//Create a message variable to hold the contents of the array elememt that was randomly chosen.

var msg = comments[roundNum];

//This is the scrolling message in the status bar function.

function showmsg()
	{
	window.status = msg;
	msg = msg.substring(1,msg.length) + msg.substring(0,1);
	scrollmsgID = setTimeout("showmsg()",100);	
	}

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